Marathons And Relationships
The marathon is not a journey you take alone
Exactly a week ago, I finished the New York City Marathon. I decided to run it a year and a half ago. Why? I was stepping off the corporate hamster wheel, moving to a country where I didn’t speak the language, and getting closer to 50. Midlife crisis? Maybe. I just needed a challenge.
Bear in mind I’m a Zero-To-One guy. One-To-Ten drains me. Even my doctor said I’ve got many more fast-twitch muscle fibers than slow-twitch ones. I’m wired for sprints. Mentally and physically.
I spent real money on training, gear, travel, physio – but this article isn’t about how much a marathon will cost you.
I changed how I ate and drank – but this is not about nutritional tips for losing weight.
I went through multiple MRIs, HA injections, cryo, heat, and all kinds of therapies for multiple injuries, including one that flared up mid-race – but this is not about injury prevention.
What I want to tell you is this:
A marathon – any marathon – will really be about managing your relationships.
Your Whys
You’ll want to have someone in mind you’re doing this for. Someone you hope will see you as their role model, someone you want to teach or inspire. Someone you don’t want to let down even when you’re hitting walls. My boys were my why.
Your Cross Bearers
Your closest ones – spouse, kids, etc. – will have to adjust their lives for your crazy goal. They’ll want to go out on Saturday night, but what they’ll do instead is stay home and order in because they see you can’t move your legs after your three-hour run. Don’t take them for granted. That’s what true love and loyalty look like.
Your Team
If you’re a twenty-something, skip this part. You can probably finish the marathon while sipping beer with just a week’s worth of practice. If you are everyone else, don’t go into a marathon without a support team: coach, nutritionist, physiotherapist, doctor. They’ll retrain your bad, inefficient footwork, give you all the tips, the apps, the gear, fix your legs, and your meal menu. You are running a marathon, not to the store and back. Think long-term.
Your Cheerleaders
You have friends and neighbors and colleagues. You don’t have to advertise to them that you’re running a marathon. It will leak out when you skip drinks three times out of four and the fourth time you order a tiny glass of beer. They’ll be curious throughout your training but it will feel like casual conversation. Like they don’t care. But on race day magic will happen. While you’re riding the 9 am Staten Island ferry, stuffed with anxiety and bagels, they’ll switch on. They’ll flood you with texts and calls of encouragement from around the globe that will power you up. Those who can will be in the crowd and yell your name and hug you. And after the race, expect a shower of love and high-five emojis that will make you feel like a million bucks.
Your Torch Carriers
Some people you never expected will tell you how much you inspired them. That you woke something up in them. That you broke their mental barrier and now they want to get off their couch and train hard and do a marathon like you did. Your journey will end only to seed more journeys.
Your Brothers and Sisters In Arms
Chances are during your journey you’ll meet others training for the marathon. This bond and information exchange makes the pain softer and validates your choice. You’re not the only one going through a midlife crisis. You’re not a weirdo for introducing this completely unnecessary hardship into your life. So, bring more such marathoners into your life. It’s more fun.
Those Outside The Arena
Others – thankfully very few – will criticize your decisions, efforts, or your performance. “You spent all that time and money just to finish ten minutes faster than the guy who didn’t hire a coach?” or “If I did it I would have done x, y, or z”. Their judgments will hurt you because they will base them on your deepest doubts and fears and you will start second-guessing yourself. And if you confront them they will hide behind “just sharing an opinion”. You think hell is a place filled with torture chambers? No. Hell is where all these “opinionistas” are bred. Comfortable academics who ran one mile and suddenly know everything. Put such opinionistas into the same bin your neighbor puts their dog’s shit. That’s where they belong. Not your head.
The Crowds
During your race, the crowds will scream non-stop, trying to pump you up. They’ll put up signs and posters. A full party on the streets. Pull in their energy, but don’t focus on them. Their noise and chaos will distract you from your pace and your plan.
Your Self
You’ll want to quit the marathon more times than you expect. During training and during the race. Build enough relationships around your marathon that quitting costs too much. Slow down your pace if you must, but don’t stop, even on that long Fifth Ave climb when leg muscles you didn’t know existed are cramping up. You will push through to the finish line to get your shiny gold medal. And thanks to the long preparation you will show off your sexy six-pack abs.
